Wednesday, June 5, 2013

I have Returned (very long post)

It has been almost a year since my last post. I'm not even sure if anyone is still following this blog but so much has happened in the last nine months that I felt I need to get this out not for anyone else but mostly me.

Let's start with everyday life. I got my second bachelors degree and have started graduate school. I completed my first semester there and need to decide if I want to do Family Counseling or School Counseling. I love children but not sure if the school setting would be better or just dealing with families as a whole would be better. That's something to explore in this journey.

I started a new job just before Christmas. Which was stupid. I don't want to be in the IT field anymore but yet I continue to take advanced positions that will make it harder, financially, when I have to start looking for a job in my field. But the schedule is flexible and this boss is a lot nicer than my old one. She doesn't make me want to gouge her eyes out like the last one did.

My oldest is about to get his driver's license. That makes me feel so old especially since I'm approaching a birthday next month. I realize I'm actually closer to 40 than to 30. My youngest just finished a stint with winter cheerleading. That comprised of twice a week practice and competitions on either Saturdays and Sundays for about 5 months. We had to put our middle daughter's swim lessons on hold because of the rigorous cheer schedule. And it doesn't take a psych major to know that the middle kids often get overlooked and could cause problems. So she tends to be mean to her sister. They are 8 and 10 and can usually solve their own issues but I don't want them to grow up and hate each other like me and my sisters.

The foster daughter we had last year left and within the last month we gained a new one. The new one was in our home about 6 weeks and we had to let her go. There's a whole post that could go towards that. It wasn't pretty and I think I could have handled things better. Overall, I refuse to have my home controlled by a 16 year old. I don't let my biological kids run my house so she couldn't either.

Speaking of kids. My year with my one frozen embryo in storage is coming up. My DH and I started talking about it before I started the new job. He was still pissed about the last IVF cycle. I don't blame him I was reeling. It took almost a month for me to actually get my records from the last RE and of course on each and every page there was mention of my elective tubal ligation. She knew that my insurance would not cover IVF after a tubal so I'm still trying to figure out what she sent to them that got me approval in the first place. Anywhere I took my records would have to send that in to my insurance company and they would surely reject any authorization requested. It took a few months of convincing my DH to try again. I contacted the office that holds my one solo embryo and had an appointment. I took the paperwork and mentioned I want to try and FET, if he could get insurance approval great if not then self-pay it is.

I have started the meds and have an appointment next week to see how my lining is and if all is well then tentative transfer is scheduled for the 18th. This is my one shot. I'm gonna leave life as is. I know I'm blessed to have the kids we have. I will not be selfish and ungrateful but my one embryo deserves a shot at a real life. They say the grading is a 5BB. I think that's good but it's in the Lord's hands now.

I will continue to blog about my life. This will not be a whine fest about fertility. My fertility issues are my fault. I will not be a Negative Nancy but I will complain when things in life get met down. I'm still human. I will bounce back and report the good stuff too.

On a sad note: New RE told me old RE died. She passed away about 3 months ago. I feel really bad about it. I know I really hated her work ethics and the way she put me though hell but she left behind 3 teenage children and I know how life can suck at that age but to loose your mom on top of that stinks. I really really disliked her as a doctor and never ever wanted to see her or have anyone I know see her but should have died an old woman not from cancer. It seems to be taking a lot of folks these days.


  1. I'm still here, and wishing you lots of luck!

    1. Totally ironic, I'm actually catching up on our blog right now. Thanks for the support.