And We Have Lift Off

I can officially say I am starting my first IVF cycle. I start my Lupron on next tuesday. After all these months of just wating the official start is here.


The tentative schedule is as follows: 


7/3 Start Lupron 10 Units
7/9 Last BCP contuinue Lupron and have sonogram
7/10 Start stimulation drugs:
        AM: Gonal F 150U with Menopur 150U with 5U of Lupron
        PM: Gonal F 150U with Menopur 150U with 5U of Lupron
        Start Doxycycline 100mg 2x a day for 10 days for me and DH
7/13 Sonogram and Blood work
7/17 Sonogram and Blood work
7/18 Sonogram and Blood work
7/19 Sonogram and Blood work

7/20 Sonogram and Blood work

7/21 Tentative trigger shot

7/22 Tentative Retrieval

7/25 Tenttive 3 day transfer

7/28 My BIRTHDAY

7/29 Post transfer blood work

8/13 Blood PG test

Trying Times

It has been an awful time in our house this weekend and it has all been non-fertility related. Our 17 year old foster daughter as done a complete 180, as far as attitude, this past week. I know I should expect teenagers to be unruly or defiant or just plain ol mad but for the past two years she has been in our home she has been pretty decent. She does give some attitude, bad communication, all a bit sneaky but never combative to the point where I question my willingness to be a foster parent. I look at it like this. I have a 7-seat van. All she's doing is freeing up room in my car for twins. Maybe I don't need that kind of headache. I was dealing with her issues all week but her drama caused me to miss church yesterday and I was almost late for my volunteer duties at Vacation Bible School today. I can't stand when other people have you questioning why you do the things you do and on top of that the person that has me questioning is a child. It also makes me question if I even want a 4th child of my own in my home. On a slightly different note. Tonight, I meet with the RE about me progressing on to the drug phase. If all goes well (no cyst or any other phantom object she sees) I should get a schedule of what to start and when.

Fertility Free Friday #2

Today I have a splitting headache. I decided to quit coffee on Wednesday and that has been the worse decision ever. So today I am cranky and tired and most of all my head hurts. All of that plus I'm at work. I don't want to hear from people and I certainly don't want to fix any complex issues. So on that note I will leave with a bit of humor as to what I am expected to do today.

ICLW #2

Hello ladies from the ICLW. Thanks for dropping by my blog. I am Theresa, 34. DH and I have been together for 16 years now. We do have children but would love to expand our family. I had a tubal 7 years ago. We had two back to back (surprise) pregnancies after years of infertility. Found out later that while I could get pregnant my body doesn't sustain babies well. Once they realized that when I came up pregnant I would need progesterone in order to stay pregnant. I had the tubal afraid that I would get pregnant by surprise again and I had a host of medical issues pilling up as well as weight. Once I had the tubal I knew it was a major mistake. It feels selfish to me but I want one more. It's something I've been wishing for, dreaming about, and praying about for 5 years now. 

My DH saw how much this meant to me and agreed to pay for IVF. We saved and finally found a RE  who wasn't extra expensive, but lo and behold she submitted our paper work to the insurance company and they are actually covering it. But I have found that sometimes the cheap comes out expensive. I have had my slew of problems with this RE and  the road has not been easy. The last 3 months I have battled a cyst, and it was winning until my RE figured maybe it wasn't a cyst after all. (See This Post) Now I am waiting to go back next week to get a med schedule and hopefully finally begin this thing.

Almost two years ago I had Gastric Bypass Surgery. I have lost over 100 lbs which has taken away majority of all my health problems. But now I face a whole set of different problems. They are mostly psychological such as the constant battle to eat right, my struggles to maintain healthy body weight and the fear of will I be able to provide a baby with enough nourishment while pregnant. 

So that's me, this is my journey and I hope you stick around. 

Update Appointment - Progress

First I want to start off by saying I finally managed the courage to ask for a copy of my medical records. I asked the Office Manager/Receptionist and he said it would be no problem just ask the RE since she had my chart. But I think he told her I wanted it. Now I did have an elaborate story (big ol' fat lie) as to why I wanted it but I believe deep down they knew I was thinking about leaving. 

My ultrasound was different this time. The uncomfortable probing I was expecting didn't happen. It felt so half-hearted. I'm not complaining but I was use to the deep poking and prodding that I figured it would be the same. The RE and her assistant were whispering things that had me nervous. "It don't look ovarian". "Check the right one again". I was freaking out. Thinking "Oh God, now they gonna tell me it may be a mass now I'm gonna lose the ovary all together." Once they were done, I braced for the bad news. She said she still sees the cyst there but she doesn't think it's a cyst. She said it looks like it's above the ovary and it may not be a cyst after all. (WTF) So all these months I've been stalled and it may have been for nothing. 

All in all she is going to proceed and I am to come back next Monday with my Lupron kit. I think it's to show me how to start injections but I may not start them til the 10th I'm not sure. Next Monday I'll also get my drug schedule so things are kind of moving along and I am starting to feel that I am actually part of an IVF process.

CD#1 Again

So that has come and rolled around again. I have called to schedule the good ol' routine cyst check and will do blood work tomorrow. This cycle will be different. I have since started crushing up my BCPs and will see where that gets me. Hopefully, no cyst on CD19. Other than that no news. 


My DH wanted to go out checking for a 'better' car this past weekend. We have a truck that seats 7 and right now we (He, I, our kids and foster kid) seems to fit we have no trunk space what so ever. We wanted to see what was out there as far as our options. We haven't told the kids we are actively trying. DH doesn't want to get their hopes up but each one as expressed a want for a new sibling. So, while out we spoke to sales people about needing space for suitcases for when we travel. Yet at one point he says "oh yeah this has plenty of room for a stroller". I yell out "SUITCASE, SUITCASE". Only one child picked up on it. She's old enough to have put two and two together now but it really doesn't impact her so she doesn't care that we are keeping the secret. She's our 17 year-old foster child and she is glad for us and all but she's more focused on her future than anything right now. But the sales guy did look at us pretty weirdly though. 

Fertility Free Friday #1

I don't have much for my premier edition of Fertility Free Friday. So let's start with some mundane info on me.


Right now there really isn't much going on with my home life. Everyone is going through the motions, school has ended for the kids but there isn't much planned right now for summer break. I am trying to finish up two classes to earn a second bachelor's degree. First one is in Information Technology but I've grown to hate computers over the years so I am getting a degree in Psychology. My hope is to start graduate school either this January or Fall of 2013. 


My eldest, who is 15 often states that our family needs to have a reality show as there is some craziness going on at home but that's due to the hectic schedules they keep with sports and our dog and 5 (yes I said 5) cats. The story behind that will be a whole different F3 post. 


There's my humdrum. Til Monday!

Am I Selfish or Just Judgmental (child ment.)

I have briefly mentioned having other children but I don't really go into detail out of respect for those that don't have any yet. Today, however I have to give background information to get to my point. My 7-year old daughter is a very kind-hearted child. She loves babies and is one of the reasons why it's hard for me to get over my need for another. She is always asking for a baby sister or brother, tries to hold other people children, and hounds me constantly about babysitting other family members kids. She loves babies. Ironically, if you ask her she don't want any kids of her own. 

I started recording Make Room for Multiples on my DVR for her and we watch it together. (Yes I know it's torture for me) One of the episodes I watched yesterday (we watched 4) had a lady that had a 3-year old son (conceived naturally), a 21-month old daughter (conceived from clomid) and was now about to have triplets (conceived by IUI). Don't seem to bad, right. Well not to me. Her 21-month old has spinal bifida and requires constant care. According to Wikipedia. these are the physical symptoms: 

Physical signs of spina bifida may include:

• Leg weakness and paralysis
• Orthopedic abnormalities (i.e., club foot, hip dislocation, scoliosis)
• Bladder and bowel control problems, including incontinence, urinary tract infections, and poor renal function
• Latex allergy
• Pressure sores and skin irritations
• Abnormal eye movement

My bleeding heart (and judgmental mind) feels that if the mom wanted more, she really should have waited a few years to get her bearings on the two she had before bringing any more in the mix. The 21-month old will have a lifetime of problems and may never function on her own. But then that started me thinking about my own wants over needs and my selfish quest for another baby. My oldest is 15. He is about to be a junior in high school and will have his first prom, want to go to driving school and get a car. Next year he will be a senior with class dues, prom, graduation, college application fees. My two daughters are 7 and 9. They are growing like weeds and are girly girls who want pretty frilly clothing and shoes to match. They all have sports (football, cheerleading, karate). My middle child loves taking art classes, sees a reading tutor and wears (overpriced) glasses. Do I really want to add a new baby or babies to our household, where? Adding a new baby is costly too. There is purchasing of equipment and clothing, not to mention newborn daycare rates are a monster. We are doing ok financially but any little economy twist or turn could change that. Right now, at the end of the day, our bills are paid but one never knows what's around the corner. 

I can walk away with either lesson learned from that show, 1) Don't stress your hand if you don't need to or 2) Things will work out if you have faith. I don't know what happen to that mom after the camera stopped rolling. I don't know if today she's got everything all balanced out and each kid is decently taken care of or if she has lost it and the special needs child is the one suffering. I know I need to take, yet another, look at my plans and really make sure an addition or additions will be right for my family and not just for my own selfish needs. But most importantly, I don't know if I was bothered by the show because secretly I am selfish and just recognized my actions or if I'm just judgmental and need to just sit back and watch the show and mind my own business.

You Learn Something New Each Day

I have just been beside myself in regards to this cyst. Also with the E2 reading from my last appointment. I have found tons of information about what the levels should be on CD1 and while on the IVF medication but nothing in regards to just everyday life. I posted to a fertility forum and other questions came up. Some speculate that the cyst wasn't a cyst but a follicle about to release an egg and that the RE's antiquated machinery is just that, antiquated. I may feel slightly better about the fact that maybe I'm not being haunted by a cyst but just bad imagery. 


On a different note, and the actual reason for this post, since I have had gastric bypass surgery it is reminded that my pill absorption isn't that great. I was told to crush my BCPs for better effectiveness. I have no idea why I didn't think about that. I do that when I have to take any pain meds. Why wouldn't I do that with these? It was so simple and I feel so stupid that I didn't think about that last month. UGH. 


So here we sit, lesson learned, new insights gained and hopefully, no cyst next cycle.

Realization

I have looked back on the posts that I have done since starting this blog and it has all been about this IVF process, or rather, the lack of process. I need to get in a better headspace. I can't let this take over my life. I do actually have a life. I work, outside the home, and sometimes have fun with this. I do PC support for a University. I go to school. I am finishing up a second bachelors degree before starting grad school, hopefully, next fall.I do have other children and a foster child that has activities they attend. Yet, I can't seem to get this one goal off my mind and speak of something else. I think I have to devote certain blog days to something else. I have seen Fertility Free Friday's (F3). I like that idea.  Especially since, right now, I am just waiting for CD1 AGAIN. Then cyst check, then CD19, cyst check and I'm sure she will still be there and then CD1 again. Sigh

And One To The Next

So the goal for today was get blood work done and pray for low E2 levels. First thing this morning I arrived at work at 7am to run straight across the street to the lab. The person entering in the codes mistook the circle and checkmark around the STAT box for a panel of blood work that included a A1C. Thank God the draw lady and I caught that. I wait and wait all day for my 6:15pm appointment, shell out a copay, only to have the RE tell me my E2 levels were 447.7. WHAT!!! Just a 'few' days ago on the 25th of May the level was 45.3. How does it jump so high so fast? And what does that mean? I know she was shocked it was so high. Goog.le told me it was from being in pre-ovulation. She is having the lab rerun the blood to see if maybe something somewhere made an error. I'm sure it didn't and it's that darn cyst just causing problems. So it's back to the BCPs and on CD1 redo labs and come in for a scan.


One thing I didn't ask, which I have to call back tomorrow to see, what happens if CD1 comes early. I have 11 days of active pills left. Do I stop taking them if AF comes early? Then what happens to the non-active pills? Do I take them or just start a new pack the sunday after AF? I always waited for the full week to go by, could that be why my system is getting confused? 


I addressed the question about my gastric bypass and the absorption of the BCPs. I even called the surgeon's office. They said that it could possess a problem but they weren't sure and the RE said of course it's not a problem. I don't really believe that. I was actually ok with her decision, I pretty much knew it was another month of the same ol same ol. I am still thinking about heading over the the "big" RE office and just take my chances on the insurance. It wasn't like I wasn't prepared to go the cash route anyway.

::Insert Expletive Here::

I really want to say some really bad words. That darn cyst is back. Well that's what my RE says. I don't know if it's just that I'm feeling real upset at her because she keeps delivering me bad new or for some other reasons. Here's my issue today: I went in today to have my baseline u/s. Just 12 days ago when I went in, there was NO cyst. It had gone away. I was suppose to start Lupron tomorrow but now I have a cyst the same size as it was when I went in on the 9th of May. 

I guess I can believe that it could come back and grow but when I mentioned that I don't think the BCPs are working she dismissed me. I haven't really gone into my weight loss surgery in detail before but If I have to take double vitamins due to my stomach not absorbing vitamins and minerals like it suppose to, then I woud assume it may work the same way for medications too. I told the RE that it felt like I ovulated a few day ago and isn't that what the BCPs were suppose to prevent but yet she still is holding on her believe that everything is fine with them and my body is absorbing them just fine. I don't know if it's the feeling that I'm just being push aside and being taken for my copay and appointment fees or that my body just won't part with its love of cyst. 

Tomorrow I have to have blood work done STAT to check my estradiol levels to see if I can proceed. I have to go back in tomorrow for another appointment. (Yea, another copay) to go over the estradiol levels.

Ps. On a good note, today is DH's birthday so after the appointment we went to see Snow White and the Huntsman. It was a great alternative to the fact that he wanted to go to Medieval Times. Got some chicken tenders at the concession stand and he was still able to have dinner and a show. Awesome. :-)