Monday, September 17, 2012

I Feel So Ashamed

I hate to admit this but I am a HATER. I feel so ashamed to say it. I read a lot of (in)fertility blogs and my heart goes out to each and every situation. I love to read the ones that find success and I tend to stick with them through the pregnancy process. Even lately, I have been praying specific prayers for certain ladies. Now I do pray a general overall about all the ladies I'm reading but there have been two I pray for by name. Well in the last couple of days one received a negative result and the other received a positive one. My heart sank so bad for the one that didn't get the good news. I prayed and prayed that the news they received would be wrong and the doctor would call and tell them good news instead. I really broke my heart to know their attempt was unsuccessful. Now the other lady for some reason it broke my heart to see the positive results. I have no idea why. I am truly hating on that positive right now. This woman, indeed, deserves her positive and she deserves to be happy and to finally have her miracle baby but somehow I am hurt to see that happy news. Her news hit me like a ton of bricks. But the funny thing is I prayed for her to get her miracle. I wanted this to happen so why am I so pissed about it? See, insert shame here. I think I see a therapy session in my immediate future. I am so sorry to be a hater. I never though it would be in my nature. This (in)fertility *ish sucks. (yeah I know not very Christian like but that's how I feel.)


  1. I think that your thoughts are very natural and you shouldn't be ashamed.

  2. Like I told you yesterday, it's only natural to feel that way, no need to be ashamed of your honest feelings.

  3. Many women in the land of IF feel that way from time to time. You have nothing to be ashamed of. But I do understand how you feel because I have felt the same. I have been so hopeful for others who were trying to conceive only to feel angry and upset and sad when it finally did happen. And every time, those feelings came out of no where and completely knocked the wind out of me. Hugs to you that you feel better soon about your two bloggy friends.