Monday, July 30, 2012

Progesterone Shots

I need to call and ask how many days am I suppose to take these shots. My bottom hurts. My DH has been shooting me up in the top part of the muscle and boy am I sore. I have had 8 shots so far. I asked if I could take the suppositories but was told that this offers the best absorption. How has anyone else gotten through this?

Also, today marks 3dp3dt. I am suppose to test on Monday, August 6th. Does that seem right? That is only 10 days past transfer. Isn't the whole reason why it's called the 2WW is because you are to wait 14 days? Is this testing too early? Sorry for all the questions, I guess am getting very anxious and nervous with this being my first cycle and all. 

Saturday, July 28, 2012


I sure hope I typed that right. I have been really looking forward to being able to type in code. Today has been a busy day and I'm hoping to stay real busy during this two week wait. Also I turn the ripe old age of 35 today. I think I just crossed into a new category in the TTC community. I thank you all for the info and well wishes during this ICLW.

On a funny note. I think my RE may be reading all the crap I post about my lost faith in her. She called to wish me a happy birthday today. I guess that now all the hard part is over she can breathe a sigh of relief that her trouble patient is finally happy. 

Friday, July 27, 2012


This is where we are. Right now is a little tough for me to type as I am laying flat in bed and typing in a very awkward position.

First the RE gave me info on the embryos and like I said before 8 of the 9 fertilized but I didn't know they used ICSI. One didn't take but the others started growing. 3 were at 8 cells, 2 were at 6 cells, 1 was at 4, and 1 was at 2.

We did a day 3 transfer. I asked why not a 5 but the RE had some excuse/answer that at this point I don't remember. Now because (she said) we were doing a day 3 instead of 5, it was decided (said it was standard) to implant 3 embryos. Even though DH only preferred 1 to be transferred, I was ok with 2 but 3 is scary. The RE did give me odds and percentages on them all sticking and actually having triplets. (She said about 1%) They did the selective reduction talk and I had to check whether I would do it if all 3 took and I politely (or rather not so politely) declined. I did however state that I believe every woman has a right to choose. That got a few chuckles from the room. I tend to have nervous humor.

At a few times during the procedure I had to look over and ask DH if he was ok. He hates hospitals, needles, doctors, and pretty much anything medical. I would say scared but I don't want him to kill me if he ever reads this. Gotta let him be his tough manly self. There I was in this awkward position, in this weird chair with a speculum and two catheters "hanging" around and I'm asking him if he was ok.

Here are my questions: for those that have done IVF, did you do a 3 day or 5 day transfer? How many embryos did they transfer? Were you given a choice on the number? AND OMG, should I pull my hair out now or just wait. :-)

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Updates and Thanks

Thank you ladies for commenting yesterday in regards to my shot debacle. Hubby did better this morning. I iced the intended injection spot first and then let him inject me.

So here are the updates:

First things first.....8 eggs out of 9 were fertilized

I still feel sick but I went to urgent care last night and the doc there talked to the RE and both agree my stomach pains aren't related to the retrieval. Have anyone seen the movie Space Balls. If not it's a really funny parody of Star Wars and if you have my stomach feel like the end of the movie where the two main characters are in a diner at the counter ordering lunch and another guy at the counter starts to have stomach pains. They are so bad that he ends up laying on the counter. Then his stomach tears open (you never see the gory stuff) and this alien lizard comes out in top hat and tails and starts to sing and dance across the counter out the doors. I feel like that lizard is about to come out. If you haven't seen the movie at least youtube that clip. It's funny in a "I'm glad my stomach doesn't feel like that" sort of way.

Transfer is scheduled for tomorrow at 12:30. I am excited but really need this to work. I'm not sure if I'm tough enough to do a round of injections, retrieval and progesterone shots again. All you ladies that have done more than one round my heart goes out to you and I wish you a very speedy success. This $hit is hard and it takes some serious determination to get through this process. I really don't know if I'll have it in me again. 

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

What I Should Be Doing

This is what I should be doing, But no, I came to work. I don't know if its just too soon or the doxycycline I took on an empty stomach but I feel like crap. I don't feel like yesterday's crap but today I just feel nausea. Can you feel sick from the progesterone? Then to top it off my DH tried to kill me with the needle this morning. The nurse showed him what to do but I think he was nervous. He took his sweet time inserting the needle. He was trying to ease it in but then took it back out and then wanted to try to put it back in. I had to stop him, change the needle and explain what dart-like motion was. We almost divorced this morning. I can't let that man anywhere near anymore needles. I'm not even sure he hit muscle. If it was a tv show I would have been laughing at our situation but I was in pain and had to leave for work. I either need to use an easier muscle or ask for the suppositories. 

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

We Have Eggs

The harvest is complete and we have 9 eggs. That was a very unique experience and I don't know how I got through it. I left out the house this morning at 0 dark 30 (5:15) to get to the hospital by 6am. I had to register and then wait in the surgicenter's waiting room to be called. A nurse came around to do the pre-op questions and prep. I was told I was first on the board. I gave her my entire life story (no I don't drink. no I don't smoke. no I haven't eaten after midnight, and yes I had bypass surgery, lost a lot of weight, yes I'm happy I had the surgery, etc). I am a very tough stick so they send someone down from the IV team to do my IV as the surgicenter nurse didn't get me on the first go. She said she'd rather no torture me and I agreed and thanked her mightily. My RE came in, gave me reassurances and left to go get changed. Once they did get my IV in I headed up to the OR waiting room where I spoke to the Anesthesiologist and had to give my life story to her too.

When I got in the OR they all were masked and after getting on the table and saying a bunch of funny things I noticed the RE in the room.  

Nurse: Are you comfortable. (once I got on the table)
Me: As comfortable as you can be in an operating room full of people.

Then it was nighty night. 

I wake up slow from Anesthesiology but I recall the RE telling me how many eggs she retrieved and that she would call me later. My DH was there and I remember asking if he did his part and then the nurse showed him how to give me my progesterone shots.  Now my abdomen is a bit tender and my bum hurts. I came home, too another really good nap and I will wait as patiently as I can for the RE to call tomorrow to tell me how many fertilized. 

Monday, July 23, 2012

Tomorrow Is The Day

Tomorrow is the day and am I nervous, yep. Am I partially scared, yep. Do I have to get up at 0 dark 30 to get there by 6:00am, yep. All of my fears and self-doubt is bubbling to the surface. I am the type of person that makes lists and makes plans and above all likes to be a few steps ahead. All I can think about are the what ifs and to make matters worse, it was just a few days ago that I wasn't even sure I would even get to this point. OMG, I can't believe tomorrow is the retrieval day. 

Sunday, July 22, 2012


After all I have waited for and been through......I trigger tonight. Retrieval is scheduled for Tuesday morning. The RE called me last night to move my appointment from the afternoon to the morning. I totally missed church today. I had to go to where she wanted me to go for blood work as she never got the results from yesterday and I guess wanted to control getting the results. Then we met right after the appointment. It took the blood guy two tries to get blood. I had been stuck each day 8 days in a row. Needless to say my veins were done giving up the juice. 

My E2 levels were 2000 something and I have about 3 follicles on the left and about 8 on the right. I'm not happy with the numbers but overall I just need one. I am excited and terrified at the same time. I am mostly scared by the fact that my husband has to do my progesterone shots. I don't want that man anywhere near me with a needle. He's freaked out just watching me shoot up myself. I can just imagine  the scene. I'll have to let you gals know how that goes. 

Saturday, July 21, 2012

ICLW Welcome and Update

Hello to those in from the ICLW. A quick background on me and my journey can be found here. But to update from that, I am ::cross fingers:: a few days away from IVF#1 retrieval. It has been a rocky road that I am doing my best to hang on to it. I had to have a new set of meds overnighted as the last dose I had was done Thursday night. I think from Wednesday to Friday, I made over a dozen calls to Freedom and that last call to FedEx was quite scary for the dude on the phone. I think I scared him when I said that it was imperative that my package arrived before 3 as I had medication in that box that I need to take as soon as it arrives. He seemed kind of scared and told me he was contacting the driver. I swear it wasn't even an hour later that the driver was pushing the box at me. 

 I had another scan yesterday and was told I have to have another on Sunday. And get this, the appt will be after the RE get's out of Church. I'm thinking "I have to spend my early morning waiting in the ER for someone to draw my blood because my blood lab is closed on Sunday and may miss my own church service but heaven forbid she misses her service". I am taking this all in stride as I know what is on the line here and what's at stake. So I'll play by whatever rules she's got....for now.

I'm not clear on the number of follicles I have but things are still growing slowly but she thinks that I could have retrieval as early as Tuesday but as late as Wednesday. I'll update more hopefully tomorrow.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Fertility Free Friday #4

This is my plan for today. I want to laugh and have fun and not be boggled down by fertility. So tomorrow we will return you to your normal programming with updates and whines about my RE. Just note that today is a whole lot better than yesterday. 

You know you are trying to get pregnant when…Someone asks you today’s date and you reply “Day 21″ . . .

Thursday, July 19, 2012

As The Fertility Blog Turns

So on this episode of as the fertility blog turns our main star deals with her emotions as her RE not only doesn't call her back about the meds she is suppose to take for the evening nor did she put in the order for the meds I need to start tomorrow, due to the fact that mine runs out today.

Here's the back story. I have had daily appointments since Friday and daily blood draws. I understand this is part of the process and I'm willing to make the sacrifices for the sake of my future child but this RE is gonna make me hurt someone. I spent a good 3 hours crying last night because of her ineptitude. Based on my tentative schedule if all went according to plan I would finish up my stims today and then trigger tomorrow but since my E2 levels and follicles are progressing slowly (supposedly) I need to continue the meds, continue the blood draws and continue those costly appointments. 

Before I left her office yesterday afternoon she told me to wait to hear from her before taking my nightly dose and also expect to hear from the pharmacy to pay for my next shipment that she would request be overnighted so they would be here today in time to take tomorrow morning. Well by 8:00 I had not heard from her. I tried calling her office and the usual after hours answering service didn't answer. I tried her cell (went to a full voicemail) and her "Office Manager's" cell phone (straight to a non setup voicemail). I called the pharmacy (Freedom Fertility) before they closed to see if they had my order so I could pay my copay. They had no record of my RE calling in a new prescription so even if she called within that next half hour before they closed there is no way I would have my meds by the end of today to have for my AM dose tomorrow. 

I was already in tears by then and was still in tears when I finally got her call about 10pm. So blah blah  go ahead and take your same dose, blah blah come in friday instead of thursday and finally blah blah I did call in a new order not sure why they didn't call you or have it. Try again tomorrow morning and just take the meds when they arrive on Friday. After a few more hours of tears and venting to my husband, I just can't believe this situation. I know crappy docs exist. This is my first time having to put my life in someone's hand where I just can't up and go to another doc. I've never had and HMO where I needed a referral to get a second opinion but right now because I'm so far into this cycle I feel like I can't just up and leave. 

Here are my questions: Could the slow progressing levels be because I, do indeed, have a cyst? Is it too late to get a second opinion for this cycle or do I need to just ride this one out? How does the push of the dates affect the fact that DH and I have been taking the Doxycycline? Can I call the lab and get my results from them instead of asking the doc? Does a temporary insanity plea apply if it's premeditated?  

Until tomorrow... this has been....As The Fertility Blog Turns........

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

A little of the same but less of yesterday

So today, I am in a slightly better place than yesterday but still no closer to any kind of acceptance to this IVF process. I have no idea if I am CD3 or not. The bleeding has stopped. So that's one point in favor of the RE. She also stated that my E2 levels are 583. This is the level of someone who is at day 5 of meds not day 8, as I am currently. My follicles are growing slowly but they are growing. I have another appointment and scan in about two hours so let's see if my slow progress is continuing.

I, personally, don't think that I'll have retrieval this Sunday. I am ok with that. I am understanding that each person is different and, thanks to all those that commented yesterday, I know that sometimes things get pushed back. I just don't want them pushed too far back. My birthday is next Saturday and I'll be darned if I cancel my dinner reservations. It's hard getting a Saturday reservation for that place (The Melting Pot, I say check it out). 

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The No Picture Post

Yesterday but a bit trying. I am all kinds of confused with this IVF cycle. Being as this is my first one (and I believe I have lost confidence in my RE) I have no idea what is normal and what I should worry about. Yesterday started my CD1. I would believe that either I shouldn't have at this late stage in the injection cycle or that it should have come earlier. 

If I think about how normal cycles work, CD1 is the shedding of the uterine lining and by CD14 your body should produce and egg from the ovary while the lining is starting to build back up again where it will either wait for an egg to implant or shed again and back to CD1. Now I'm sure I didn't pay alot of attention in High School Health class but I'm sure that's the way things go. SO...If I'm supposed to have an egg retrieval on the 22nd. (5 days from now) shouldn't I NOT be at CD1 but somewhere like CD10?

I asked the RE about it last night at my appointment and the answer was a bit vague. She was slightly shocked to see I was at CD1 (even though my calendar has me as 2 days late) she said I should have some bleeding but not full on bleeding and I told her that this is full on and that I has asked about this at Friday's appointment. Her response was "well it shouldn't matter as you are progressing slowly anyway and the date of the retrieval may need to be pushed back." 

So it seems as my E2 levels are slowly rising and so is the development of my follicles. I really want to trust her but my faith in her is shaky. I don't know what to believe anymore and ultimately I feel like I'm being setup for failure. I can't prove it but I think that because I lack patience every little bump causes me to worry. 

On a more positive note, I am told I have 7 follicles on the left and 11 on the right. Let's see how things so, I have another appointment and scan today.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Forums and Groups

Where do people go these days when they have questions and seek answers from others? There was a time when YahooGroups was all the rage. There was a group for everything. I miss those days. Now I feel like I gotta go find a forum from a specific site or find a blog of a person that I hope has been through what I'm going through. How do you find these sites? I have questions and am desperate for answers. I feel alone. I thank my loyal readers and those that comment but I'm a 'small' blog and really need to find that 'place' to go.  


Friday, July 13, 2012

Fertility Free Friday #3

This post has a double meaning.

I love watching food shows. Normally, most of them are on the Food Network but I have this passion and love for MasterChef. It's pretty much a Gordon Ramsay show but there are two other judges that are great chefs, Graham Elliot and Joe Bastianich. This season there is this one contestant that has been awesome since her initial meal. She is blind and can blow those with sight out of water. Her name is Christine and I root for her each week. There was this one dish where she had the most visually appealing dish of the group and it prompted the judges to say "Are you sure you're really blind". I urge those that can to check it out on Fox Mondays and Tuesdays at 9. So while this is a fertility free post, I'm not gonna mention any struggles or challenges I'm just gonna say 'you can do beautiful things even if you can't physically see them.'

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Not Feeling Well Today

This is how I feel today. Is it the Doxycycline?  I have been taking it since Tuesday morning and not even a half hour after I take it I feel awful. Maybe it's the fact that I took it on an empty stomach and then guzzled down some coffee afterwards. All I know is I just wanna crawl under my desk and stay there the rest of the day.

On a different note, I'm suppose to have my first blood test and ultrasound tomorrow. I am wondering how my ovaries are responding. I am starting to get a 'full' feeling in the area. I don't know if that's my imagination because I want this to work badly or things are happening.

I know this is the land of uncertainty but I'm not use to chaos. I'm one of those people that have a back up plan for my back up plan. This is that point where I have to "let go and let God".

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Selective Reductions

This particular topic isn't about me. I have yet to finish my first IVF, none the less have conceived multiples but I am reading this woman's blog where after two years of battling infertility and on her first IVF attempt she became pregnant with quads. She had 2 embryos implanted and one split into identical triplets. One of the triplets didn't make it so now she's carrying twins plus a single. She has to make the toughest decision ever: to reduce or not to reduce. As of right now she has made the decision to reduce. She hasn't stated which she will reduce. Since the twins are identical she can't just reduce one of them so her choice will either leave her with one baby or twins.

I write this post not to bash her decision or even to weight in on what I think she should do but to really think about the "what if" and "what would I do" part of my journey. I am on day 2 of my Menopur/Gonal-F mixture and I am being hit with the reality of this is really happening. In less than two weeks I will be ::cross fingers, pray, light a candle, offer a animal sacrifice, or whatever:: having my egg retrieval and can only imagine having to actually have a choice like that to make. I know my end goal is to have a healthy baby but what about babies. Am I prepared for multiples. After discussing this woman's situation with my husband last night he is no adamant that he only wants one embryo transferred but I'm still not sure. I know the chances of implantation is greater with two but would we be ok with twins or more. Before that blog, he was ok with taking our chances with twins but now not so much. I am nervous about the possibility but he is freaked out. How do I calm his fears? Do I just go with the one embryo for transfer? What are my odds of success with just one transferred? Two? Whew, I've got a lot of research to do.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

The Concoction Review

So, my house is still standing and no one is bleeding. All in all, I call that a successful day. The image above is what I started out with this morning. I had to decrease the Lupron to 5 units and then had to mix the Menopur with the Gonal-F. There were 5 vials in total (1 liquid and 4 powder) and it was scary. I wasn't sure I had the correct syringe to begin with as the RE didn't tell me about that. She just explained the needles. I did use the Q-Cap instead of the actual red needle that was suggested. I'll see if I can continue to use the Q-Cap. Once I had it all mixed together, I was able to poke myself. This needle stung a bit and it was quite a different feeling to push 2ccs of liquid than the 5 units of Lupron. So it was successful and hopefully tonight when I go to the RE's office and demonstrate what I did, it would have all been correct. So day 1 part 1 down and 9 days and a total of 19 shots to go.

Monday, July 9, 2012

The Panic Post

See above picture? Well, that's me. I was supposed to have an appointment tonight with my RE and she was supposed to go over phase 2 of this IVF injection process and I was hoping to have a more positive post about all that she went over. Tomorrow morning I'm to start the Gonal F/Menopur mixture and tonight's appointment was gonna show me what went where and which needle to use. Well that's not gonna happen. RE not exactly back from her vacation while she pushed back my appointment to tomorrow I'm still supposed to proceed as planned tomorrow morning with the mixture. "Say WHAT?" Yep, proceed. She gave me phone instructions on what to do but still I'm a tad nervous. Honestly, I think I'll be just fine. I would have rather had the stuff in front of me as she told me what to do so I could be aware of which one is the pink needle and which one is the red one or the best thing which vial is which. Apparently, there are 4 different powered vials I have to mix in total. It sounded like a lab experiment. I don't know nothing about mixing chemicals. My next update will either be I did just fine and all is well or some hazy post about me blowing up my house and accidently stabbing myself in the hand in the process.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Happy After Independence Day

President Thomas Whitmore: Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day! 

Yeah I know I am late with my Independence Day wishes. On a side note I totally love that movie. I could have been my love of Harry Connick, Jr. or Will Smith funny lines, or that fact that we were saved from total annihilation. The above quote is pretty much how I felt yesterday. I was gonna live on and not go quietly into the night and I was gonna fight.....for my right to have a peaceful day.

After all I have gone through last week and this one I had a peaceful and quiet day. I loved it. Even got the chance to get in two, yes I said two, naps. Our foster daughter is permanently leaving. While I am kinda sad about it, I am tired of dealing with the stress of it. The issue surrounding her deciding to leave was blown way out of proportion that even her worker told her it wasn't something to get worked up about and it had been plaguing on me for sometime now. That stress coupled with the fact that my boss hates me, and well 85% of the 12 people that work for him. So it makes coming to work each day a bit daunting. And let's not forget it was day 2 of Lupron injections. So having a day off in the middle of the work week was well needed.

I loved my Independence Day. I was independently free of stress, worry, snotty teens and mean bosses. I had the chance to hang out with my brother and SIL. Even if it was dinner at their apartment. The crazy thing about that is their air is broken and it was HOT and SWELTERING but it was still the best dinner I have ever had.  We had good food (take out) and a semi B movie (Man On a Ledge) but we still had the best of conversations and we laughed and laughed like we were under the influence of some illegal smoked substance. (But we weren't). It was so nice to hang with another christian couple that just so happen to be family and still enjoy ourselves. 

There was a sad note yesterday. I actually missed the airing of the movie. I always have a chance to watch it. Guess I was having too much fun. Not a bad sad note, huh.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

That Wasn't So Bad

Today was my first Lupron injection. I am so happy to finally feel part of the IVF 'club'. I was extremely nervous. I took all my things to the bathroom this morning. Well not the alcohol swabs. I couldn't find them in the medication box. I was starting to panic but then I found them. I had watch the video from Free.dom Pharm.acy so many times I had no problems with the procedure. I did forget where I had swabbed my abdomen and had to do it again. My DH came in, wondering what was taking so long, and saw I was going through the steps. I was about to inject myself when I hesitated. So he said he'd count to three and then I'd do it, but I ended up injecting at 2. It wasn't so bad. I was working myself up for nothing. These shots I can take but I see how it goes when I have to do the IM shots.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Hodge Podge of Things....

I usually don't blog on the weekends but there was so much going on towards the end of the week that I never even had a change to get on the computer.

First, I want to say sorry to those at ICLW whose blog I hadn't read or those that visited and left comments and I didn't have a chance to respond to. I feel really bad as I wanted to be fully committed to show support.

Our 17 year old foster daughter really took us for a loop this week. She ended up in emergency placement elsewhere for the week. Her workers suggestion not really ours. She felt that we all needed a break and boy was she right. I never thought I would be one of those foster parents that didn't care where my 'kid' was but this week was peaceful and I rather enjoyed it. I opened my home for the sole purpose of helping a child in need but what do you do when that child don't want to be helped. I felt like a failure but it took a few days to realize that I wasn't the one who failed. I did all I was suppose to do, gave a home, showed kindness, love and in return if the other person don't want to partake there is nothing I can do.

In other news, there was a huge storm in my area on friday night. Lights were flickering here but thank God not only didn't one of my trees fall but we didn't lose power. Half of my area is still without power and may be out til friday. I felt bad that half my family in the area did lose power and I didn't offer anyone an option to stay over. 

I was able to hit the Old Navy $1 flip flop event on saturday despite the heat and multiple power outages. One store was without power but was able to make my way to another store and make out like a bandit with 26 pairs of flip flops for me and my girls. Never though shopping would be high on my to do list (another post for another day) but it was quite an adventure being up and out the house before 7am on a saturday just to buy flip flops. 

That coupled with 4 assignments for my college classes, a family reunion, vacation bible school wrap up, and a Karate belt ceremony for two of my kids, all this weekend, I never once had the chance to freakout about starting Lupron on tuesday. But I'll be back to that on Monday.

So there's my weekend hodge podge. Have a great week, stay cool and I hope you have power where you are.