About seven years ago, my husband and I had our third child. We thought all was great and we were done. We were blessed as we only had minor issues. The first, our son, was conceived with no problems at all and he was born healthy. We had trouble getting pregnant, or so we thought with number 2. After some test it was shown I suffered from PCOS and insulin resistance. Also apparently, I would get pregnant but didn't have enough progesterone in my body to sustain the pregnancy. We found out because we were about to start clomid but the pre-pill pregnancy test showed I was pregnant. Within days I miscarried. Two months later we were about to start the clomid again but I was pregnant again and still with low progesterone. I was put on a progesterone supplement and baby number 2, a girl, was born. She had a serious bout of jaundice when she was born but overall healthy.
A little over a year later I wasn't feeling so well, pregnancy test revealed I was pregnant again. Also again with low progesterone. Supplements again and number 3, another girl, was born. She was a 9lb baby and while I didn't have gestational diabetes, I was officially diagnosed with diabetes just after she was born. It isn't known just how many miscarriages I have had. Because of the severity of pain I experience with menstrual cycles and how far apart my cycles were the doctor speculated I may have had a few and just mistook them for a menstrual cycles.
After number 3, I had my tubes tied. I didn't want to have any other miscarriage and we figured that three probably was enough. I know it is a blessing that we have three. There are so many people trying for just one and here I am wishing for one more. I wasn't two years later when I felt that our family wasn't complete. I thought about a tubal reversal but couldn't find a doctor in Maryland that would do it. When I finally found a doctor I was told my tubes were tied at a very bad point for a reversal. I gave up the idea of another baby.
Someone suggested IVF and my DH expressed some apprehension about the cost. He knew how much this has meant to me and so he figured we'd find a way. I have this strong desire for one last child. It has been on my mind and has plaguing me for about 5 years now. I can't see babies on tv, around town, or even see other people pregnant without feeling that I am missing a great part of me. I love my other 3 children and love spending time with them and taking them to their never-ending rounds of activities but I feel that something is missing. Again, I know I'm blessed but what do you do when you feel that strongly about another child? Should I just count my blessings and give up or do all that I can for just one more?
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