The Zoo and Other Oddities

First up, the oddities. This last week has been a bit trying. The DH and I had a mini-major spat about the results of the FET. He was unfazed by the negative results while I was upset. Like a good DH he stated he was ok with the FET because he was making me happy but he believes 3 kids are enough and I need to get this 'baby thing' outta my system. I like to report he is still alive. I do get it that we are blessed as there are couples out there with no children who have been trying for years. But it's a little hard to 'get over it'. Overall, I just didn't want my frozen embryo sitting in a lab for years and having to pay a storage fee. Especially since I didn't want to destroy it. A year ago he was enthused about one more but his 'front' was more for my happiness.  

On a more happier note, I took my girls to the National Zoo yesterday. Usually I hate going to DC. I always get lost and my GPS (in her British voice) continuously tells me we are rerouting. Yesterday was no different. It started out very hot and humid but then towards the afternoon there was a brief downpour of rain. I went with one of my best friends who runs a daycare. She had eight kids (1 under 1 and 7 ages 4 to 8). We had tons of umbrellas and was actually just finishing up lunch at a table with a huge umbrella over us. The kids enjoyed getting a bit wet and when it stopped raining the sun and heat came back and everyone was dry within the hour. It was a good day. The only down fall was the 5 hours of walking and trading off with my friend in either pushing the one baby stroller and carrying our back-packed lunch bag. Today, I have muscles aching that I didn't even know I had. That was a good trip to remind me just how old I am. 

Official Beta Results are In

And they were negative. I did test on Friday morning and it too read not pregnant so it was a bit easier to hear the doctor's office tell me today. I do know that we are not going to pursue this again.

Maybe I was asking for too much. My DH and I do have 3 children already. They are healthy, active and I should be grateful for the blessings I already have. My heart goes out to those that try with all of the 110% they have just to have one and here I am going to extreme measures to have #4.

This blog will still continue but as it states above, it will be about my daily adventures and my overall live. No whining about my failed IVF or failed FET. I am moving on and I will survive.

Crying Toddlers and 8dp5dt

Have you ever seen a crying toddler. You know the ones that have obviously missed their nap and now is so uncontrollable that all you can do is cringe and feel really bad for that kid's mom. Here's a sample pic:

This is how I feel on the inside. I feel like I have missed a nap and now I want to fall on the floor, kick, scream and cry. Almost every day for about a month now I have jolted up at 5:45 for no good reason. My alarm doesn't go off until 6. I have no idea why as I don't need to wake up until 7. I don't know if this is a PG sign or if that lacks of sleep is catching up with me. All I know is I'm sleepy, I'm at work and I can't take a nap for 3 and a half more hours.

Test update: I have no clue if I'm PG or not. I promised DH I wouldn't test until Monday. I hate when I make promises that I really shouldn't make. He says I have no patience for waiting especially if it's a surprise for me. He's right. I don't like waiting. Ps. Don't ever tell me secret and then tell me don't tell. I will implode and probably tell your secret to a minimum of 10 people within the 10 minutes after you tell me not to tell. 

The Work Post and 7dp5dt

I am doing my best to get through this work week. It has been a trying one. I have a coworker, whom I shall call Mr. Grumpy Pants. He doesn't like it when others around him make too much noise yet you can hear his phone conversations throughout the entire office. Plus, he is very rude and condescending to our customers. I spend a good deal of my day trying to stay calm and not tell him he's a hypocrite. 

I say all that to say there is a 'war' in the office today over the air conditioner. Mr. Grumpy Pants is too hot and I want to guess his porridge is too cold. He keeps making a big stink about it. Emails upon emails have gone out regarding this. Meanwhile, I'm in my office with a fluffy sweater and a space heater. If I don't have the heater on my nose get's red and my hands become  icicles. When I walked in this morning he told me not to turn on my heater today as they were gonna check the temperatures of the office to see why his area is too hot and they think that personal heaters are bring up the temperature. First, let's remind all he's my COWORKER not my boss.

I'm feeling all kinds of defiant and crabby today (even though it seems like such a petty thing to fuss about). SOOOO, the heaters running. 

On a different hormonal front. I'm 7dp5dt and have yet to POAS. I'm still scared and terrified that the FET wasn't successful. I am going to the bathroom more but haven't seen any signs of implantation bleeding. The 'girls' were sore but not as much anymore. AF is due today but with the Estradiol patch and pills I'm on I'm thinking that may make AF not show up. Right?

Well that's all I got for today. Sorry it's been such a no-good-post kinda week.

An Idle Mind is.....

....Apparently not what I have. My DH has spent the entire weekend keeping me busy. I think I was worrying him to death about my fears and when I should test. So here's the weekend recap.

First thing Saturday I took my oldest C. out to get more practice in for his driver's test. We then went to the MVA and he passed with flying colors. Just like he knew and said he would. (darn cocky kids) The test was different from when I took it. Well I guess things would have changed in the 20 years since I've gotten my license. They do some things on a course, parallel parking and backing into a vertical parking space (like one would park at the mall. yeah, all kids should know that one.) Then they go out on the street. My son said once the instructor knew he was able to drive the guy was just texting away on his cell phone. Geesh Mister thanks for making sure my son was safe.

Next was a trip to my brother's house. He and his wife are pretty much the coolest couple we know. I apologize in advance to my BFF and her DH. I have to rank family first. They helped fill the day with a cookout at SIL's mother's house, then dinner at the Tilted Kilt and then off to see Man of Steel (I had mixed feelings about this movie but that post is for another time). By the time we got home I was tuckered out. It was a day of laughs, fun, and certainly good company.

Sunday after church we have a tradition of going to Costco to shop for food and household items. It's also a good way to get snacks before lunch. But today, since DH is in distraction mode we headed to his parents house. They live about 45 mins to an hour past our house, depending on traffic. They live not to far over Maryland's Bay Bridge. Sunday+Summer=Backed up bridge. I took the time to read some blogs on the ipad. But then all the fun started. I had to help configure FIL's cell phone with his work email, uninstall IE10, reset his wireless password, add the wireless to his cell phone, setup his pc on his new desk, change the ink in the printer oh and explain how to use the new cell phone with the now configured email. Can we say busy work.

For my troubles DH took me to dinner. Then I came home and cooked "dinner". I put some stuff in my crock pot for a beef stew so tonight's dinner is done. And again I was tuckered out. Weekend is done. DH didn't hear not one word about fertility, testing, embryos, nada. His peace will last for another day.

Whew, I'm just tired writing about my weekend. QOTD: How do you handle the TWW?

Scattered Post

There's so much hodge podgeness going on today.

My department made this huge announcement to folks that they can no longer use their employee number to access company webs applications. They must now use a username that they may or may not have already setup. So folks are confused and the phone has been ring off the hook all day. Needless to say I'm annoyed but I handle it with a smile and secretly wish I could call them names and hang up. But I don't cause I'm a good girl :-)

Then to top it off my pants feel tight around the abdomen. I love these pants they use to fit so perfectly. Could this be an expanding uterus. Ooh Ooh please say it is. I'd hate to have gained any more lbs and it not be cause of a baby. Freaky thing is no one at work (except my boss) knows I'm TTC but one coworker keeps making comments about "the baby". I'd go" Dang I really could use a snack." He says "maybe it's the baby". I'm like WHAT!!! Or yesterday I said "Oh my gosh I have a pain in my side". He said "maybe the baby's kicking". Again...WHAT!! It's freaky. Does he know something? Is he psychic? Do I have paranoia? So many questions to explore.

I'm suppose to take my oldest to take his driver's test tomorrow. He has already made plans for afterwards. Wow, presumptuous much. He called me at work today to tell me all the things he has planned for tomorrow. Good one son. Let's see you get your license first. I believe he can do it. I've watched him do a mock course and it seem good but kids these days are a bit cocky.

It has been mentioned to me a few times, once here on the blog, that maybe I could test early. I'm really scared to do so. I've been told not to think about last cycle but focus on the positive of this one. That only sounds easy. Maybe the fact that next week I have to work 7 days straight will keep me busy and I'll forget about testing.....or  not.

ICLW #5

Hello All, I haven't participated in ICLW since about this time last year. My background can be found here and an update can be found here. If you don't want to read that all the short version is as follows:

I'm Theresa, 35, DH and I have been married for 12 years together for 17. We currently have 3 kids (16, 10, 8). I had some fertility help with the 10 and 8 year olds.  I had a tubal 8 years ago thinking I was done but I'm a woman and we change our minds. I did IVF#1 with an awful RE and it failed. I took a year off, stewing in anger, and just had my one frozen embryo implanted two days ago. 

This is where we now are. I take my beta test on July 1st but something tells me I'll POAS Sunday the 30th. 

If I do become pregnant my biggest hurdle will be the gastric bypass surgery I had almost 3 years ago. I'd want to provide the best nutrition for my baby as possible but I'm terrified of gaining weight.

I try to post often and I try be witty but sometimes both don't happen at the same time. Welcome to my life, it's great to have you here.